Past Decisions Can Not Be Changed; How We Choose To View Them Can

The past…We all have one.

Let’s face it, we have all lived life and have our own sets of past decisions.  Some of those  were wise and some not so much.   I know I have several I could have given more thought.   In fact, decisions I regret and wish I could change.  It’s okay, we are all human and God did not make perfect humans.

There was a time in my life that I spent so much time and energy worrying about the wrong decisions I made.  Being down and hard on myself.   Knowing I was smarter and knew better or maybe I should have been.  As a kid, I was quite the worrier.  Actually, I still am, depending on who you ask, I have made improvement.   I felt guilty if I knew I had let my parents down or maybe it was because I had gotten caught.

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As we all get a little older, through the teen years, driving allowed to go out with our friends, those mistakes grow right along with us.  The bigger the child the bigger the mistakes!  Well, here comes the twenty-first birthday.  Wow, all I can say is Wow…and leave it at that!

Being grown up brings grown up decisions.

The early twenty years can bring on a lot of decision making.  Decisions much more important than a child might have.  The judgement calls we make tend to have a little more weighing on them.  We are old enough to drive, possibly off to college and of a legal age to visit bars and consume alcohol.

Personally, I got married and had my first son by the age of twenty four.  The days of running around and being carefree was a little short lived compared to most of my friends.  Again, a whole other type of responsibilities come along with getting married.  When a child is born, it’s indescribable and is with you a lifetime.

In the end, the philosophy I eventually adopted, was we do the best we can as parents to make the right decisions.  We lead by example and try our best to instill the moral beliefs within the home.  Do what we can and then hope for the best when our children grown their wings and fly from the nest.

The best laid plans of mice and men. (My boyfriend always says that, couldn’t wait to use it!)

Basically, we plan to get married and have children (or maybe not) get a house, live happily ever after.  Our children will grow up in the same home and eventually will be able to bring their kids to the homestead.  Hmmmm…..well, maybe not so much.  With the exception of the “married” and “children” part.  We followed through on those plans.

As a child, I remember switching schools a few more times than I would have liked.  We didn’t moved the city we were in, just the actual school.  This meant leaving my friends behind, moving to another school and making new ones.  With the hopes I would stay in touch with the ones I had to leave.  That’s tough as a kid and I was determined my own children would not have that experience.

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Again, another well thought out plan, blown out of the water.  Right before our second son was born, I approached my husband and basically announced I should be a stay-at-home mom.  I quit my job and did just that for almost fourteen years.  I absolutely feel very lucky I was able to do so and would not change a thing.  However, with this decision came consequences.  Now a one income family, my husband worked hard and moved up in the organization quickly.  Different levels in his career, brought different states.

We moved four times to four different states before settling in the Seattle area in 2002.  Each move tore my heart out, only because I saw the boys leaving very dear friends.  The move from Indiana to Seattle was exceptionally tough.  We were not just leaving friends behind but close family members as well.

I may be a little biased, but I am very proud of my boys and how they handled leaving their friends.  Obviously sad at first, but adjusted very well.  In fact there are a couple they are close to even today.  For my husband and I making effort to stay close to our families, really was a given.  The value of family runs very deep on both sides and although we are spread from Washington to Indiana to Florida, they remain extremely close to them all.

It is up to us as individuals to choose how we look at our past.

Other decisions throughout the years were made, not necessarily in the plans.  My husband and I are divorced, but remain very involved in each others lives as well as our boys.  We both choose to look at that part of our past and see what we are fortunate enough to have.  We have three outstanding, respectful young men as sons and many years of happy memories.  I can almost say with most certainty our boys have been able to see things that way as well.  I personally look at the good times we shared as a chapter in my book of life.  We all now have embarked on a new chapter to write.

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Of course we will all have those moments we might say something to someone and then realize maybe we should not have.  I try to learn from those types of mistakes and think before I speak.  Words are very powerful things and just like toothpaste coming out of the tube, once they are out, it is very hard to put them back.

I have left friends and family during my life, not calling to touch base as much as I should, but striving to improve. However, when the visit back home comes,  we will visit like it was yesterday. We will laugh and joke and cry about the past and those who have gone up to Heaven.

If we choose to view our past in a certain light, we can learn from our experiences and those who have crossed our paths in our lives.

0 thoughts on “Past Decisions Can Not Be Changed; How We Choose To View Them Can”

  1. I agree with you, Teresa. You can’t take a time machine and go into the past so you live and learn from the decisions that you have made. I would not regret any of the moves to different states that I have made throughout the years, nor do I regret not living a conventional life. I guess I will let the dulcet tones of Frank Sinatra sum up how I feel , “I did it my way.” Thank you for the thoughtful and thought provoking post.

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