We must be the ones to believe enough to fix our inner core, no one else can.
When that change is made and we are centered within, everything else will fall in place.
High self-esteem has never been my thing.l The “Love Yourself” attitude isn’t easy. Fighting weight periodically my whole life. During the teenage years, we girls had an image of the perfect look. Handed to us by society and promoted by the media. “Thin Was In” we wanted to be “In”. At least I did and I bet I was not alone.
As an adult, I realize there is much more to a person than what they are like on the outside. However, I still find myself concerned with the image I see when I look in the mirror. I still notice immediately if I gain a few pounds. I don’t think that will ever go away.
I have an extremely hard time receiving compliments at times. If it is work related and I know I achieved a goal I have no problems. When it is unexpected, I become tongue tied, speechless , just like a dear in headlights. The worst is the unexpected, “You are beautiful” when first introduced to someone! What in the world do I say to that. My only response is “Awe, thank you” accompanied by hopes the conversation redirects.
I met my boyfriend seven years ago. He zoned in on my smile instantly. Not sure why the obsession. Everybody has one, nothing I have practiced to perfect. However, I don’t go into bashful mode anymore with him. Instead, learned how to use it to my advantage in our relationship. Don’t worry, it’s all good. He knows it and has accepted the fact he turns into a marshmallow. I am okay with that.
My personality is reserved, never the social butterfly. I got older, the shyness subsided. Depending on the situation, it is manageable. I worked hard to be a little more assertive when necessary. The concept is hard to grasp for some and not easy explain.
Lack of confidence in yourself can be like a disease if we let it. Spreading through you affecting many parts of life. Low self-esteem is easily masked and set aside when needed. It can be tucked away for only us to see. I still fight this battle. Confident I am the right one for the job or just as good as the next guy does not come natural.
I have successes I am very proud to have achieved. Motherhood is at the top of that list. I didn’t see it during the early years. We as parents always wonder if we are doing it “right”. I look now at the amazing young men my sons have become and see we must have done something right. Yes, I was in on that!
With help of those around me, I know it is a huge accomplishment. I did not think so at first. Anything other than doing my best, instilling certain family values in the home and respecting other human beings, just was never an option. It is what we do when we bring a child into this world. It runs deep in me and is a topic with strong emotions for me. One of the few to get me on a debate team.
Challenges that come with living life really do make us stronger. Knowing this by experience keeps me going through the struggles present right now. Life has thrown quite a few blows this past year. Those blows come a little harder now than they may have before. The heaviest lesson to learn right now is the struggles of a woman my age in the workforce today. I am not taking away from what others face, I don’t know their experience. I can only speak of what I know.
My eyes have been opened to the challenges being a 50 year old woman back in the workforce today. It is harsh and gives nothing to boost self-worth. Figuring out how I will achieve the goals I really desire only adds to my inner struggle. Discovering my passion of writing lit a fire inside. A fire to have a career to utilize this passion in some way. Why could I have not started earlier is a question I ask myself daily.
Waking up every morning and concentrating on what I do have versus what I don’t is a practice I am incorporating. Remembering to take “dips” out of my Bad Bucket and put them in my Good Bucket is a goal I have set. We are the ones that have to, not everyone will.
It is I that has to believe in myself. We as human beings are all different. We are not “text book” or it’s not “black and white.” My task at hand is finding MY way to Let It Go, fully believe in myself. I will and when that day comes, I will have gained valuable knowledge to help others. My sun will shine in full again.